Sorry I have not been able to reply, Sanctus. Your sins have been forgiven. It sounds to me as though you have not forgiven yourself. A priest said that to me one time in Confession. He said you must learn to forgive yourself. Maybe what you're feeling is a kind of projection onto God of those feelings that lie hidden within you, in us all sometimes, and surface in strange ways. Pain that is not transformed is transmitted. Pain that dives under our consciousness and is not transformed (or transmuted) or dealt with in some way, must then be transmitted or projected onto other(s) unfortunately. I am not an expert on how to do this. Some have suggested the 12 step programs. I learnt a long time ago, even as an unbeliever with a secular, materialist world view, that 'I am not my thoughts'. Now as a Christian I understand this concept even better - because I understand how the fallen angels can affect our thinking and emotions. I think if you began to understand this Sanctus, it would really help you. The next steps then are to put on the mind of Christ - but this is really a pilgrim journey and an acceptance of yourself and of God's grace along the way. I would say that, in many ways, God our Creator, the one who dwells in inaccessible light, seems unapproachable, beyond us. There is a double abyss as St. Teresa of Avila (I think) said. The abyss of God's infiniteness in every way, and the abyss of our nothingness. However, perhaps that is another reason why the Eternal Father sent us His only Son, who is fully human and approachable, and why Jesus asked the Father to send us the Paraclete, the Consoler when He went to prepare a place for us to be with Him. It is also why Jesus gave us His Mother, the most perfect Adorer of the Most Blessed Trinity, to be our Mother - to help us approach God. Sanctus, cast all your feelings, concerns, pains and miseries onto Jesus. Jesus You take care of it! Do not care for your own feelings. You could try Fr. Dolindo's Surrender Novena. If you can, try even to console Jesus in His passion, and Jesus in the person of others. Did Jesus feel the Father's love when He had to cry out on the Cross: Eloi, Eloi, lama sabachtani?! My God, My God, why hast Thou forsaken me?! By drinking the dregs of human desolation, Jesus conquered sin and death. Fear not and peace be upon you. Here is a little prayer I found. Littany of Forgiveness For the times I lacked compassion and concern for others ... Forgive me, Lord. For not sharing my resources of time, talent and treasure ... Forgive me, Lord. For holding grudges and refusing to have a forgiving heart ... Forgive me, Lord. For the times I have criticised and gossiped ... Forgive me, Lord. For not reaching out to comfort and console others ... Forgive me, Lord. For not caring for myself physically, emotionally and spiritually ... Forgive me, Lord. For those times when I talked more than I listened ... Forgive me, Lord. For my prejudices, biases and deliberate acts of discrimination ... Forgive me, Lord. For being greedy ... Forgive me, Lord. For the misuse and abuse of the wonderful gift of sexuality ... Forgive me, Lord. For failing to see your face in the homeless and helpless ... Forgive me, Lord. For believing I could save myself ... Forgive me, Lord. For not living fully for You ... Forgive me, Lord. For doubting that You can and will forgive me unconditionally ... Forgive me, Lord. For doubting that You love me with an everlasting love ... Forgive me, Lord. Amen.
I still see scary things whenever I open the Bible. I hope God isn't angry with me. I have being going through strange darkness the past three years and I tell God that I am sorry. I don't want to go to hell.
I will pray for you all and esp. Sanctus at Adoration tomorrow. A very saintly lady died in our parish. I will offer an hour for her soul and ask favours .
I tell Him I love Him too but I dont feel his presence unfortunately. I feel a complete absence of God too.
Just know and believe He is with you. One doesn't have to "feel" He is there to know He is there. Hang in there Sanctus. "Have great confidence in God's goodness and mercy, and He will never abandon you; but don't neglect to embrace His Holy Cross because of this." St. Padre Pio
Have you ever tried to imagine that you are with Him? Sometimes, I just sit quietly, close my eyes and pretend I am in the stable where He was born. Just sitting in a corner, watching and wondering, perhaps petting a lil lamb wandering by. Seeing Our Lady and St. Joseph by the manger with the babe. Watching as the shepherds pay Him homage, waiting for the 3 kings to come with their gifts and seeing the angels flying above. Maybe something to try? Will remember you in my rosary this evening ~
I feel God is punishing me for sins in the past. I feel hope for a while and then it is taken away. I dont know what to do. I am due to go back to medjugorje soon but I feel hopeless because my hope is taken away so much. I really don't know can I do much more
I am working through the 12 steps at the moment which seem to be helping. I am on step two now. God works in mysterious ways so I will hold on to hope.
