Thank you so much!! Prayers for you, too! I pray we are comforted & rest in Mama Mary's mantle. The spiritual warfare is intense!
I know I have been annoying people with my panic over the unforgivable sin (and I know I said the words by answering a question, and it felt like He left me) even though I confessed it multiple times, but I truly need help and prayers. I want desperately to go to confession very soon, but my despair is crippling me entirely. This week has been particularly bad, as I feel I have lost most of my remaining sanity. I keep having these horrible suicidal thoughts (thoughts of stabbing myself or taking pills), my last surviving grandparent is dying, I am panicking about WWIII around the corner as well as the Warning, I am afraid I will be dragged to hell on the day of the warning or simply just die on that day, I am depressed over a friend moving away suddenly, I have trouble with anger toward the relative who asked me the question about the unforgivable blasphemy years ago, I have come to the realization that I wasyed my whole life focusing on silly things, I am nearly afraid to do anything, and I fell into temptation and committed yet another sin of impurity, which made me weep because I fell yet again and hurt God. Please, please help me. Therapy isn't helping, my last confession (in December) I fear I botched because I despaired of being forgiven. I feel like I am running out of time and am panicking. Please pray for me. And maybe, if any of you can actually hear the voice of God, please enquire about me, Brendan of Van Wert, Ohio, to ask if I actually did commit an unforgivable blasphemy or if I am deluding myself or if there is any way for me to get out of it.
You're not alone in that struggle. There was an article posted the other day on the Catholic Exchange website you may find helpful regarding anxiety and confession....... https://catholicexchange.com/confession-for-the-anxious-caryll-houselanders-advice-part-ii/
I will pray. BUT I know in my heart of hearts the unforgivable sin is the one you are not sorry for and you are clearly abjectly sorry for all your sins. So you MUST NOT DESPAIR. That is a temptation of the devil.
I really do wish and hope it is only that..... I keep rereading this article from a Catholic source in 1942, and I worry about what I said years ago..... Frankly it confuses me. I was so angry when I said the bad words by answering the question, and so worn down from trying to fight the thoughts...I don't know if I believed it at the time, did I commit it with malice? https://www.catholicculture.org/culture/library/view.cfm?recnum=6207
This frequent questioning of yourself weighs heavily on you. If you pray a daily Rosary, I would offer up your Sunday Rosary each week for the healing of your own heart. Let the Two Hearts take care of it! I'm praying for you!
*Big hugs* You are in my prayers, you are God's precious child, He'll never abandon you. I'm so sorry you are going thru all that. I'm really struggling myself with a lot of intrusive thoughts - it's spiritual warfare. I'm going to buy myself a St Dymphna relic & I just thought to buy a St Michael/St Benedict relic as well. Have you submitted prayer requests to various places like Lourdes? https://lourdesprayerrequest.com/prayer_request You could try medication for the anxiety or an increase in dose or try another one if you are currently on medication. I love psychology & read a lot about it. Brain chemistry changes with trauma. From my experience, the brain defaults to anxiety to the point you can't 'switch off' there's a spiritual & physiological reason for it. Our brains can feed us negative thoughts & we can lose the ability to rationalise easier. I think therapy is helpful somewhat but medication can aid what's going on in the brain - it's a complex organ - a part of our bodies. You are not alone in your struggle, the devil loves to harass us. The fact you are being harassed is a sign you are a child of God. Evil ppl have already succumbed to Satan, they may not fear anything, not even a Holy fear of the Lord. As Christians we have nothing to fear but the devil likes to attack us with Spiritual warfare. It's just a matter of if ones mind has a better coping mechanism to fight back, if the brain is healthier. I pray God gives you relief from these thoughts & He will. You are healed already, take confidence in God, your Father who wants to take care of everything!!
I find the St Michael Chaplet is a life saver . There are youtube videos and you can listen or just pray along. During the worst time of my life, it has gotten me through and miracles are occuring everyday. But I honestly would see a Priest to rule out oppression. My prayers for you.
Thank you. I'm sure it's spiritual warfare & oppression but with never ending stress the brain does break or wear down. Either ppl can be born with it, a brain that doesn't function well, or from constant trauma, or things run in families. I love pyschology, the brain is multi faceted. A guy once had an exorcism done after being hospitalised for depression, he was still depressed. If you've heard of Lizzie's Answers who is Catholic she has bipolar, takes meds. I feel for ppl that may not have just anxiety & depression. We don't know why the brain does certain things, my cousin who is a pysch nurse & I have these discussions. As Christians our hope is in the Lord but I do believe in the physiological problems with the brain - a chemical imbalance, as a lot of ppl suffering from depression also say there's nothing particularly wrong at times.
Brendan, let me speak for Mary, because she is a mother, like me. If you were my child, and God granted me anything I ask like He does for Mary, I would tell you assuredly that you are forgiven. If my child had literally purposefully done the worst thing he could think of against me, but came to me and cried, asking for forgiveness, I would hug him immediately and forgive all of it. And Mary is much more loving than I am. So go to Mary. God listens to her. What is your relationship with your own parents like?
And thankfully, more Drs & women are becoming aware of perimenopause. There's such a hormonal shift after 40. I feel like I have a period all month long now with the psychological & physical symptoms. A friend said she couldn't walk due to anxiety & her friend is experiencing paranoia. Perimenopause is a living hell lol. She said now going into menopause things are calming down. She thinks there should be a health care plan in Australia for women experiencing perimenopause. I think HRT helped her, I'll have to re-read her message. I wouldn't go down that route since it's expensive. My cousin did progesterone shots & said she felt better.
The devil likes to attack our minds, it's the way he comes for us the most, esp if we decide we'll reject mortal sin. He doesn't like it so he'll double down. You are rejecting mortal sin by the sound of it, you frequent Confession it seems. The devil is just up to his usual tricks. I'll pray hard this passes for you, as it does for me. So many ppl are struggling right now & it's because the devil's time is short. He wants his last huurah. Experiencing such intense spiritual warfare means the devil hates us... Evildoers no longer care, they take pleasure in doing evil, feel no guilt, no remorse. You are on the right side - on God's side. I said this to my cousin years ago, it's ok if we feel our mind is weak (obviously we don't want to commit mortal sin), like the devil is getting at us too much, nagging away. Then there will be the time we hit back at him. Our mind may feel weak momentarily in trying to defeat him with anxious thoughts but once we are stronger in our mind we slaughter him lol. I know things will change for you! I know the feeling tho, I feel absolutely crushed with intrusive thoughts, worrying about everything when I know God's Truth so the devil doesn't like me, that's something to accept as well. The devil hates us, he'll do everything he can for us not to love & obey God.
In April Monsignor Rosetti is doing a workshop for a few hours online..it's free or u can pay 25.00 your choice... I'm sure it will be therapeutic in every way. I attended last Tuesday and it helps me.
Hi Brendan, I rarely hear the voice of God, but in adoration this morning you came into my prayers and in thinking of how hard you find it to persevere, I sensed the Lord say, "If you knew how to persevere, what would you do? Do now what you would do and you will be perfectly secure and at peace." I am keeping you in my prayers. BC
Hello Brendan, Here are words from Jesus Himself: Conversation of the Merciful God with a Despairing Soul Jesus: O soul steeped in darkness, do not despair. All is not yet lost. Come and confide in your God, who is love and mercy. - But the soul, deaf even to this appeal, wraps itself in darkness. Jesus calls out again: My child, listen to the voice of your merciful Father. - In the soul arises this reply: "For me there is no mercy," and it falls into greater darkness, a despair which is a foretaste of hell and makes it unable to draw near to God. ... My omnipotent mercy is active here. Happy the soul that takes advantage of this grace. Jesus: What joy fills My Heart when you return to Me. Because you are weak, I take you in My arms and carry you to the home of My Father. Soul (as if awaking, asks fearfully): Is it possible that there yet is mercy for me? Jesus: There is, My child. You have a special claim on My mercy. Let it act in your poor soul; let the rays of grace enter your soul; they bring with them light, warmth, and life. Soul: But fear fills me at the thought of my sins, and this terrible fear moves me to doubt Your goodness. Jesus: My child, all your sins have not wounded My Heart as painfully as your present lack of trust does - that after so many efforts of My love and mercy, you should still doubt My goodness. Soul: O Lord, save me Yourself, for I perish. Be my Savior. O Lord, I am unable to say anything more; my pitiful heart is torn asunder; but You, O Lord... Jesus does not let the soul finish but, raising it from the ground, from the depths of its misery, He leads it into the recesses of His Heart where all its sins disappear instantly, consumed by the flames of love. Jesus: Here, soul, are all the treasures of My Heart. Take everything you need from it. Soul: O Lord, I am inundated with Your grace. I sense that a new life has entered into me and, above all, I feel Your love in my heart. That is enough for me. O Lord, I will glorify the omnipotence of Your mercy for all eternity. Encouraged by Your goodness, I will confide to You all the sorrows of my heart. Jesus: Tell me all, My child, hide nothing from Me, because My loving Heart, the Heart of your Best Friend, is listening to you. Soul: O Lord, now I see all my ingratitude and Your goodness. You were pursuing me with Your grace, while I was frustrating Your benevolence. I see that I deserve the depths of hell for spurning Your graces. Jesus (interrupting): Do not be absorbed in your misery - you are still too weak to speak of it - but, rather, gaze on My Heart filled with goodness, and be imbued with My sentiments. Strive for meekness and humility; be merciful to others, as I am to you; and, when you feel your strength failing, if you come to the fountain of mercy to fortify your soul, you will not grow weary on your journey. Soul: Now I understand Your mercy, which protects me, and like a brilliant star, leads me into the home of my Father, protecting me from the horrors of hell that I have deserved, not once, but a thousand times. O Lord, eternity will hardly suffice for me to give due praise to Your unfathomable mercy and Your compassion for me. - Divine Mercy in My Soul, Diary of St. Faustina, 1486 References: https://www.thedivinemercy.org/articles/saint-faustina-and-sacred-heart https://www.google.com/url?sa=t&sou...versations-of-the-merciful-god-with-souls.doc[/QUOTE]
The mercy of God, hidden in the Blessed Sacrament, the voice of the Lord who speaks to us from the throne of mercy: Come to Me, all of you. Conversation of the Merciful God with a Sinful Soul Jesus: Be not afraid of your Savior; O sinful soul. I make the first move to come to you, for I know that by yourself you are unable to lift yourself to me. Child, do not run away from your Father; be willing to talk openly with your God of mercy who wants to speak words of pardon and lavish his graces on you. How dear your soul is to Me! I have inscribed your name upon My hand; you are engraved as a deep wound in My Heart. Soul: Lord, I hear your voice calling me to turn back from the path of sin, but I have neither the strength nor the courage to do so. Jesus: I am your strength, I will help you in the struggle. Soul: Lord, I recognize your holiness, and I fear You. Jesus: My child, do you fear the God of mercy? My holiness does not prevent Me from being merciful. Behold, for you I have established a throne of mercy on earth - the tabernacle - and from this throne I desire to enter into your heart. I am not surrounded by a retinue or guards. You can come to me at any moment, at any time; I want to speak to you and desire to grant you grace. Soul: Lord, I doubt that You will pardon my numerous sins; my misery fills me with fright. Jesus: My mercy is greater than your sins and those of the entire world. Who can measure the extent of my goodness? For you I descended from heaven to earth; for you I allowed myself to be nailed to the cross; for you I let my Sacred Heart be pierced with a lance, thus opening wide the source of mercy for you. Come, then, with trust to draw graces from this fountain. I never reject a contrite heart. Your misery has disappeared in the depths of My mercy. Do not argue with Me about your wretchedness. You will give me pleasure if you hand over to me all your troubles and griefs. I shall heap upon you the treasures of My grace. Soul: You have conquered, O Lord, my stony heart with Your goodness. In trust and humility I approach the tribunal of Your mercy, where You Yourself absolve me by the hand of your representative. O Lord, I feel Your grace and Your peace filling my poor soul. I feel overwhelmed by Your mercy, O Lord. You forgive me, which is more than I dared to hope for or could imagine. Your goodness surpasses all my desires. And now, filled with gratitude for so many graces, I invite You to my heart. I wandered, like a prodigal child gone astray; but you did not cease to be my Father. Increase Your mercy toward me, for You see how weak I am. Jesus: Child, speak no more of your misery; it is already forgotten. Listen, My child, to what I desire to tell you. Come close to My wounds and draw from the Fountain of Life whatever your heart desires. Drink copiously from the Fountain of Life and you will not weary on your journey. Look at the splendors of My mercy and do not fear the enemies of your salvation. Glorify My mercy. - Diary, 1485
Conversation of the Merciful God with a Suffering Soul Jesus: Poor soul, I see that you suffer much and that you do not have even the strength to converse with me. So I will speak to you. Even though your sufferings were very great, do not lose heart or give in to despondency. But tell Me, my child, who has dared to wound your heart? Tell me about everything, be sincere in dealing with Me, reveal all the wounds of your heart. I will heal them, and your suffering will become a source of your sanctification. Soul: Lord, my sufferings are so great and numerous and have lasted so long that I become discouraged. Jesus: My child, do not be discouraged. I know your boundless trust in Me; I know you are aware of My goodness and mercy. Let us talk in detail about everything that weighs so heavily upon your heart. Soul: There are so many different things that I do not know what to speak about first, nor how to express it. Jesus: Talk to Me simply, as a friend to a friend. Tell Me now, My child, what hinders you from advancing in holiness? Soul: Poor health detains me on the way to holiness. I cannot fulfill my duties. I am as useless as an extra wheel on a wagon. I cannot mortify myself or fast to any extent, as the saints did. Furthermore, nobody believes I am sick, so that mental pain is added to those of the body, and I am often humiliated. Jesus, how can anyone become holy in such circumstances? Jesus: True, My child, all that is painful. But there is no way to heaven except the way of the cross. I followed it first. You must learn that it is the shortest and surest way. Soul: Lord, there is another obstacle on the road to holiness. Because I am faithful to You, I am persecuted and suffer much. Jesus: It is because you are not of this world that the world hates you. First it persecuted Me. Persecution is a sign that you are following in My footsteps faithfully. Soul: My Lord, I am also discouraged because neither my superiors nor my confessor understand my interior trials. A darkness clouds my mind. How can I advance? All this discourages me from striving for the heights of sanctity. Jesus: Well, My child, this time you have told Me a good deal. I realize how painful it is not to be understood, and especially by those whom one loves and with whom one has been very open. But suffice it to know that I understand all your troubles and misery. I am pleased by the deep faith you have, despite everything, in My representatives. Learn from this that no one will understand a soul entirely-that is beyond human ability. Therefore, I have remained on earth to comfort your aching heart and to fortify your soul, so that you will not falter on the way. You say that a dense darkness is obscuring your mind. But why, at such times, do you not come to Me, the light who can in an instant pour into your soul more understanding about holiness than can be found in any books? No confessor is capable of teaching and enlightening a soul in this way. Know, too, that the darkness about which you complain I first endured in the Garden of Olives when My Soul was crushed in mortal anguish. I am giving you a share in those sufferings because of My special love for you and in view of the high degree of holiness I am intending for you in heaven. A suffering soul is closest to My Heart. Soul: One more thing, Lord. What should I do when I am ignored and rejected by people, especially by those on whom I had a right to count in times of greatest need? Jesus: My child, make the resolution never to rely on people. Entrust yourself completely to My will saying, "Not as I want, but according to Your will, O God, let it be done unto me." These words, spoken from the depths of one's heart, can raise a soul to the summit of sanctity in a short time. In such a soul I delight. Such a soul gives Me glory. Such a soul fills heaven with the fragrance of her virtue. But understand that the strength by which you bear sufferings comes from frequent Communions. So approach this fountain of mercy often, to draw with the vessel of trust whatever you need. Soul: Thank You, Lord, for Your goodness in remaining with us in this exile as the God of mercy and blessing us with the radiance of Your compassion and goodness. It is through the light of Your mercy that I have come to understand how much You love me. (Diary, 1487)
