I need prayers and advice, please. I've been feeling overwhelmed and lacking in patience and peace, even when I beg God, Mary and the saints constantly for help. I have an 8-year-old boy, 2-year-old girl, and 1-year-old boy, all of which are incredibly strong-willed, stubborn, sensitive and emotional (all of which they get from me, heh). And my daughter is LOUD. She cries so hard over literally everything, which is very abrasive to my introverted, highly-sensitive nature. I have to take deep breaths to keep from losing my mind each time. I'm a stay-at-home mom, a homebody, so I don't get out much and am fine with that. I love children very much and always have; if I had it my way, I'd spend all my time with my kids in my lap, reading books to them, talking about God, life, etc... But I also have to fix meals, do laundry and dishes, sweep, pick up the house incessantly, etc... And my baby/toddlers are so clingy. They want to be held/near me constantly. If I sit down with one, the other fights to take their place. If I pick up one, the other wails to be held. If I walk through a room where my 1-year-old was happily playing, trying to take laundry somewhere perhaps, he starts crying to be held the second he sees me. So I'm constantly having to hold and comfort my children while trying to get anything done. My 8-year-old never stops making noise. He plays piano and violin constantly (which I love, but somehow he always starts it up RIGHT when one of the toddlers is screaming, which makes my heart rate skyrocket), sings at the top of his lungs, chases his sister and makes her scream, growls like a deranged grizzly bear, etc. He's incredibly intelligent and sensitive, takes things VERY personally, and can't seem to handle anything without voicing his emotions and opinions, no matter how I approach discipline. But yet he is the sweetest, most loving, affectionate, and spiritual child. He just drives me so crazy. I homeschool him, which is an absolute delight, except for the fact that the second I begin, both toddlers are at my legs crying and screaming about anything and everything. I try setting them up with a show, toys, snacks, all to no avail, because it's ME they want. So it's like some kind of sad comical scene with me standing there holding one crying baby with a crying toddler clinging to my leg while I attempt to speak loud enough that my son can somehow hear and comprehend his lesson. So...I'm frazzled. I often feel like a failure. I end up losing my patience even though I pray beforehand with such good intentions, and I hate feeling so out of control. I don't understand what I'm doing wrong. My sister is my only real point of reference...she has a 4-year-old and a 2-year-old, both girls, but they don't have my kids' stubbornness and clinginess and over-sensitivity. She doesn't even discipline them, and they back down so quickly when she tells them no. They just frown and walk away. My kids stand their ground like it's the hill they're going to die on every single time lol. Her kids are generally content to play by themselves and don't seem to care when she walks through the room. Why do mine start crying and running after me the second they catch a glimpse of me? Most importantly, why do I feel so unequipped with how to deal with my children in a way that keeps a peaceful, loving, respectful and obedient home environment? Why does God give me such emotional, strong-willed children and let me struggle so badly even though I pray constantly for help? I could use some wisdom, encouragement and prayers, please.
As I keep reflecting, I think the root of what I'm struggling with is picking up my daily cross with willingness. I find myself often just shaking my head with disbelief that my kids just won't let up and give me a moment's peace... Which is an unwillingness, I think, to embrace that cross each time and just forget about myself. I feel, spiritually, that I'm being pursued by God in this constant barrage against my wish for quiet, peace and order, and if I'd just stop resisting and embrace things not being the way I'D like them to be, the cross would be worth more and feel less heavy. And the peace and order could be within me no matter how loud and clingy my children are. Please pray I can embrace my cross better.
The role of the stay at home mom is the hardest job on the face of the earth. The hours are long and the pay is terrible. That is why many mom's do not want to do it. The Blessed Mother is our example. Whatever our station in life is we must do and give it our all. That is what will make us a saint one day. From my experience, sometimes too many individual toys and or entertainment can be problematic. Children need to learn how to make their own fun with what they have. It is not easy at first, but with time and knowing that mom is not going to be the director of their fun, but only a watchful presence. they learn to get along and play better because they need each other for happiness. They will also develop an imagination that will help them become real thinkers as they age. My kids best friends were their siblings. May God bless you with patience. You have chosen a beautiful vocation. You will never regret it. You are creating the next generation of Catholics.
Dear Purple Flower, Your kids sound a lot like mine did at that age. Ours was one mad house, for sure. And 1 of my children barely slept 4 hours in a day. I used to weep in frustration and exhaustion almost every day. Will you go mad with them? Yes. Will you feel like a failure on many/most days? Yes Will you feel God has given you a cross that often seems beyond you? Oh yes. When my kids were at the age yours are, people used to pity them for having a mother like me - always on edge, not much fun and very loud (I had to be in order to be heard over my kids - but no one outside the house knew that). I was a loving mum but I was also very firm with the kids and very few people understood that. There were a number of unfair comments which hurt so very much but I ploughed on doing what I felt was best for my kids. Almost 20 years later, they are what I had never imagined they could be. The joy they bring me and my husband is beyond words. They are still way louder than I am but they've grown to be jolly, responsible (for the most part) and dependable kids. Mind you, we still have our ups and downs and they still need to be reined from time to time, but by and large, life is easier now. I have no real answers as to why it has to be so much harder for some of us but this I know - I am a different person now because of what I went through. I wouldn't be who I am if not for that suffering. 20 years ago, I could not have seen what I do now. All I saw was me making mess after mess. But it has worked out. Love your children as only you know how, Purple Flower. Be firm with them. They might break you over and over. Be broken. Cry. Weep. But know that there is a God who loves you for what you are doing for love of Him.
Awk PF your story sounds like a normal day at the office As a stay at home dad of seven children ranging from 27 years to 4 years I feel your pain.. Firstly from what you describe you definitely need a break you need some ME time.. How you manage that is hard I know but even the simple things like getting up early when the house is quiet can help recharge the batteries. As for temper tantrums I have always sat with my children and get them to count to ten slowly it usually ends up in giggles especially with the younger ones I then reward the child with hugs or treats for calming down.. Keep yourself calm when a child is crying for attention they won't hurt themselves so let them cry. Children are like magnets they sense an atmosphere so if mum and dad are stressed they get stressed, when things get to much you need to change the entire environment, so a simple thing like ringing a bell to get their attention and then going out to the garden or another room and get them all to calm down in silence.. Your little boy is such an asset for you get him to help mummy make him feel he is helping children at that age love to help do jobs and love the importance of responsibility but make sure he gets rewarded and spend proper time with him when the toddlers are asleep. As the years have gone by looking back I would say what you are going through are the best years as they get into adult hood that's when the cross gets heavier. Enjoy your children now and make time for you and your hubby thats my advice.. And to add your feelings and what you have wrote are all 100% normal
My mother had an expression "you are at the end of your puckering string" I have NO idea what a puckering string is(LOL) but I knew when I was getting to the end of it. When my children were small (3 lively boys each 2 years apart) I felt inadequate to the job. My oldest was stubborn. So stubborn and hard to do business with--and incredibly smart which exacerbated everything. He was downright rude at 3 years old. Constant conflict. And my parents were always giving stern advice. My sister's children (2 girls and a boy) were so well behaved. I was so sad about my inadequacy. My other two seemed so easy going in comparison but 3 boys are always on the move. Always in competition and always making sure everything was "fair". Lots of noise and whining and refereeing required. They had early bedtimes which gave me some peace and I would get up ahead of everyone for some peace. You have ALL my sympathy PF and I am hardly in a position to give advice but home schooling a very active smart 8 year old while managing very demanding toddlers seems to me a bridge too far. I respect and appreciate the need to home school but is it possible to have someone watch the toddlers for a few hours a day so you can do the instruction in peace? Probably not financially possible. But the saving grace for me was occasional time alone or with other mothers while our kids played. Can the 8 year old be harnessed into helping with the 2 year old? I just think you need some relief a few times a week. A playpen for the 1 year old? That helped me enormously. You can get things done if the youngest is safely corralled for a bit. I am going to Mass this morning and will offer special prayers for you. My son and his family left us this past week after 8 weeks of staying with us. It was wonderful having them. Theyvlive in Asia which is so far away. I loved every minute but the two little ones 6 and 4 were constantly in motion. Constantly fighting or demanding something. I got NO housework done and the mess began to rub me raw. But I kept thinking "when they are gone I will miss them so much" and I got the grace to stay patient. Prayer was impossible except at night or very early morning. I guess what I am saying is its just plain hard having the care of young children. It takes enormous patience and resilience at any age. Don't be hard on yourself. Don't set an impossible standard. And know we are all praying for you.
Things in our house were similar to yours. I remember on some days looking at my watch and thinking "it's only 4 pm?" Some days seemed to go on forever. But now I look back with regret that, unlike you, I wasn't offering it all up (I wasn't fully in the faith in their youngest years). I agree with QuD, time alone is important. I had no family nearby, but for a while, a friend's nanny agreed to help me out 1 afternoon/week giving me time to recharge my batteries. Truth is that it helped her to have my kids because everyone played together beautifully. That helped a lot and I was more patient after that break. The other thing that was super helpful, was secular world advice : looking at why the temper tantrums (under or over stimulation?), changing the diet (removing sugar, wheat, hidden additives in food...). One example comes to mind: my son got super cranky at times and when I figured out that this was due to sugar lows, I gave him higher fat foods as snacks and it helped a lot. It's tough when they're young for sure, but in retrospect, it is easier too because they are 100% under your wing. The worries increase as they distance themselves more from the home and go more into the world. Will pray for you about the cross, also that your patron Saint brings you some blessed ME time!
I am so glad you are posting here, like many on this forum, you are a living saint I think. You have my sympathy and admiration. We have 2 kids (5 and 3). They go to school and kindergarten. My wife stays home and feels constantly on edge. It's very moody around here. So I admire you very much, and I feel for you. But nothing good I could add to the posts already made.
I think a puckering string is the string around the top of a bag or pouch that keeps it closed when the string is pulled tight (hence the opening is "puckered"). If the string get pulled too much in one direction it will come away and the bag will open and everything inside it will fall out. That's actually a very descriptive term to apply to patience, lol!
Wonderful Adoremus. Thank you! I should have figured it out but I had no idea. Yes I can see now it was a very apt expression.
Such true words here. Yes the worries increase as they go out into the world. Like you I was not yet fully into the faith in the first years and didn't offer the difficulties up as I should have but it was taking care of my children that brought me back to God and Our Lady. What a great grace.
Praying. Is it possible your daughter might be hard of hearing? Even a bit? A little girl here, about 13 years ago (I saw her in public), would SHRIEK at the top of her lungs for her mother or whatnot; and she seemed absolutely oblivious to others around her being startled by it. It occurred to me that she was either deaf or hard of hearing, raising her voice to hear herself. Otherwise I'm not a parent, so can't offer.
Hmm... I don't think so. She can hear a snack bag being opened from across the entire house. She was born already a force to be reckoned with. When I was in labor, and I had only pushed her halfway out (only her head was free) she began yelling and the midwives gasped and laughed. They'd never seen that before!
Thank you. I actually don't play with them very often because I have so much to get done, but I do think maybe they have too many toys and could be overstimulated. I should pare down again.
Thank you; this is very encouraging. I pray constantly for my children's futures...that they will stay faithful to God always. I pray for their future spouses or vocations as well. If they love God as an adult and stay faithful to the Church I will be so happy.
Changing the environment is a good idea I forget sometimes. In particular, when power struggles begin, a change is needed, because my children will not back down, either for threats or rewards, and it gets to be pretty tense. I told my husband yesterday we better instill very Godly values in these kids because when they decide to do something as an adult, they will be a force that cannot be stopped.
Thank you. I am very hard on myself, and I think I'm stressing myself further. I don't have anyone I trust that I can leave my little ones with during school hours, and I wouldn't want to anyway. They need me so much. But I have thought about inviting my teenage cousin over occasionally as a "mother's helper" during the summer.
