Dealing With Being Sick I have often said that there is no real meaning to the word “mature adult’ for me. We are a mixture of being centered, scattered, loving, hateful faithful, and being faithless. How we deal with this merry-go-round that we call life tests us to respond in one way or another. To be childlike before God, to be trustful, or to break down in the many ways we can do, and well, become childish. Over the last two weeks, I have had one such experience that tested me on many levels. In the beginning it was a simple feeling of not feeling well, but not knowing where it was coming from. I had no fever, nor any pain, nor any other symptoms suggesting that I was getting sick. I did experience that one of my teeth hurt, and thought of an abscess but quickly forgot it since the pain went away quickly. Well as my discomfort got worse, I decided to go to my dentist. The day before I went to Dr. Manning, and he took my blood to see how I was doing. My blood work came back the next day, loopy, some important things were out of wack. In the end, I got the tooth out without too much trouble. However, because of my lack of discernment the infection, which caused my blood work to be off, started causing some complications. Luckily, I got the tooth out in time and did not have to go to the hospital. I guess it was more serious than I thought. I lost a lot of weight, but did not, perhaps because I was not feeling well, did not understand that the weight I lost was water weight, and because I was not eating became severely dehydrated. My skin began to itch, and my nights were a total nightmare. I finally saw Sister Beatrice and she got me to work on hydration, and when I told her about how itching my skin was, she got me on Cevera Cream which was a God send. Again, because I was feeling so bad, my mind was not clicking along at the usual speeds, and did not make proper connections. I could have figured this out myself. When talking, I sounded like I was a 100 years old, and my hands looked the same age. I was walking around in a daze, still struggling to eat. To say my dream life sparked up is an understatement. I started drinking Gatorade which was a great help. Also, ensure, but a little more difficult to drink, but very helpful. Started to force myself to eat, so slowly getting better. Still, frustrated at how long it ‘seems’ to be taking. Being sick like that is not unusual, nor is my stupidity in not listening to my body better. I have learned about the importance of drinking water or some liquid no matter what. I have to be hit over the head sometimes. In my soul, heart, and interior life, I can say I was scared and confused and found myself struggling to pray the simplest prayers or sit in God’s presence. I still prayed and used the rosary to say slowly simple prayers, this seemed to help. Just slow, no rush, being in the moment. I rediscovered our cloister Garden, which is an amazing place. For over 53 years I have never tired of being in the garden but am not in the habit of spending time there. I have discovered it is a good place to sit, feel the wind, listen to the birds, and breathe. I have found out some important things about myself. I do not suffer well, and my faith can be easily shaken, yet by grace only, I was prodded to pray and understand that this will end soon. It makes me wonder how I will respond to the final mile. I suppose how I respond to life ‘now’, will have something to say about that. As I said I did not do very well. I have also discovered that I do not know myself like I arrogantly thought I did. I am OK with that, accepting one’s humanity is not always easy, but it is a necessary step on our journey toward God. -Br.MD
I am so sorry that you have been sick but I am very grateful for your account of it. Fantastic! May you get well soon. Prayers!
Thank you my friend. It something most of us go through as we age, in one way or another. God bless and keep you.
I have found out some important things about myself. I do not suffer well, and my faith can be easily shaken, yet by grace only, I was prodded to pray and understand that this will end soon. It makes me wonder how I will respond to the final mile. I suppose how I respond to life ‘now’, will have something to say about that. As I said I did not do very well. _____________________________________________ Thank you for the above thought, Br. Mark. There is a great temptation when my spiritual disciplines are not experiencing bumps on the road, to believe that I've got my act together. It is in the midst of trials that humility and trust in God are put to the test. I am glad to see you made in through. You are in my prayers. I think it best I go back to pray through the last week of Jesus leading up to His death. Perseverance! Lk 9:23 And he said to all, “If any man would come after me, let him deny himself and take up his cross daily and follow me. Lk 14:27 Whoever does not bear his own cross and come after me, cannot be my disciple.
Thank you or chronicling this experience. I know what you mean I think. I too have discovered that when I am very sick I do not pray except for short acts of faith hope and love. Rosaries if I am lucky ( praying with rosaries on line) Offering up the awfulness of it. Not fun. Self delusion is stripped away. Sending up an Ave for you Brother Mark.
I hope your recovery progresses well. Yes illness does strip away some of our self delusion. I have been unwell in recent times. It's nothing major but a virus that's staying a long time and chronic tiredness. I struggled to pray right through lent and still do. On a bad day I just kiss my DM picture and keep telling Jesus I TRUST IN Him. I am reminded of Therese's spiritual childhood. My hands are empty I can only throw myself on God's mercy.
Mark, sorry you've been through such an ordeal. Thank God you're on the mend now. Take care of yourself in future. Mary, I'm so sorry you are unwell. I will say an extra prayer or two for you and for Mark. I've had a terrible Lent and Easter. No Mass for most of it, not even on Easter Sunday. With the help of medication it's a bit more bearable now. I can manage Sunday Mass and am expecting to have it all sorted next month. I always thought that I could do redemptive suffering if ever I was ill. Well, that didn't work out. I could barely manage a prayer. I did offer up the pain for the people in Gaza but I suppose redemptive suffering is only beneficial if you suffer in silence, and the whole neighbourhood must have heard my roars get louder with each pain.
So sorry to hear you are so unwell. I also discovered I don't suffer in silence. I'll pray for a good recovery for you and Mark. I wasn't able to go to Mass every day and that is a loss. Sometimes we take our blessings for granted. In a way illness is also a blessing in that we cannot hide from ourselves. Still I hope that all will be well soon.
Prayers for you both. Perhaps simply suffering and offering it up is the best prayer of all. I do believe that if we truly desire to attend Mass, but can't make it for whatever reason , if we can't go to Jesus, well then, Jesus comes to us.
You know I think the central pain of being sick and suffering is the point where it seems pointless, that we feel like total failure. This is to drink the Chalice to the dregs. But its not really about feelings. The sick bed is the Cross on which we must lie.
I am so sorry that you went through such an ordeal. Happy that things are changing for you. Suffering humbles us all. Peace Mark
