Sometimes, I get struck by the fact that I just exist. It takes my breath away in the sense in that moment of clarity that I am a living sentient being, but more than that I have a soul and that means the present moment will always be eternal. I do struggle sometimes with faith and the absurdity of life that we see all around us and the confusion inside and outside of the Church. How hard it is to find a true spiritual home for the truth-seeker these days - a myriad of relgions to choose from - Hinduism, Islam, Sikhism, Buddhism & Christianity in all its broken forms. I think it is a miracle of these times that truth-seekers are actually coming into the Catholic church in huge numbers givent he state of the present Church, God is pouring out copious amounts of grace. Then there are my own personal struggles on top of all the stress of modern living - at Mass yesterday I had to hold back the tears at the thought of my own sinfulness, the regrets of the many moments of failure as a human being, as a father, a husband, a son, a brother, a friend, a colleage - at times I see the failures like the cracks in a broken window-pain reflecting back. I was sitting in the garden yesterday, the weather has been good in Ireland for once, so on went the BBQ and I sat looking at my lawn, which isn't just grass lol but there were lovely wee yellow buttercups and little daisys, which looked stunning in the sunlight. My thoughts turned to God - on heaven where I want to be but know I am far from being what He wants me to be yet & I said to God I want to be like one of those buttercups or daisys in heaven. If St. Therese is a beautiful rose, can I be a daisy or a buttercup? In the end I decided I love the buttercups more so God can I be like a little buttercup in heaven that you can delight in? What a broken society we live in. Life isn't easy so we have to have sympathy for our neighbour - no one knows what they have been through only our God. But Christ came to restore our broken humanity so let us proclaim Christ by our lives and words. He is the answer. I turn 63 next weekend, the days, months, years fly past. I leave all up to him, at times I am tired of the struggle - but I just keep praying for I cannot not pray. On judgement day I am peading the 5th, which is Divine Mercy. I trust in His mercy, what a grace to know that God is a merciful Father. I think the key is to keep it simple, be honest with ourselves and God. He knows us much more than we know ourselves.
