I just finished reading an interesting Atlantic article ( see link below) on the decline of dating and marriage among young adults. It's a long one, but I think well written. In summary, it raises a number of valid sociological issues—dating apps, changing expectations, economics, shifting gender roles, and more. But as I was reading it, I couldn't help thinking about something I learned years ago from Six Sigma classes I took. If you don't identify the root cause, you'll spend all your time treating symptoms. To me, the article does a good job describing many of the symptoms, but I'm not sure it gets to the root cause. My sense is that we've increasingly looked to other people to provide what only God can provide—our identity, our happiness, our security, and our sense of purpose. That's asking another human being to carry a weight they were never created to carry. I'm not talking about religion as an institution or simply going to church on Sunday. I'm talking about having a real relationship with God and making Him the center of our lives. When our deepest identity and hope come from Him, we're freed from expecting another person to complete us or make us happy. I mean, when we can honestly find and say and believe in our heart that I am the beloved son or daughter of the Most High God, then nothing can disappoint us. I think having this identity is what makes better marriages and relationships possible. We can love another person for who they are, accept their imperfections, forgive more readily, and stop expecting them to fill a place in our hearts that only God can fill. Perhaps all the sociological trends the article discusses are real. But I wonder if they're ultimately the downstream effects of a much deeper issue. And i say all of this as a dad who has two daughters struggling a bit in their marriages and a 25 year old son who has more or less given up on finding a girl to love. Its sad. But i keep going to God and saying you work on them Lord- inflame them with your love and then I know all will be well. I'd be interested in hearing what others think. https://www.theatlantic.com/magazine/2026/09/modern-romance-recession/687968/
I think you are right on the money. Another person cannot bear the burden of making you " happy" in the worldly sense. But a strong faith and love for God and the accompanying humility means that you learn to love regardless of the circumstances. Which I think means realizing love is not a feeling. It is an act of will. The feelings are lovely but they come and they go. One must stay rooted to the covenant made in the wedding vows. I did not always know this. I began to learn it when I returned to the faith three years after marrying. The graces of the sacrament were just so obviously manifest to me even though I had no understanding of it when I stood at the altar. Once God was the center of my life priorities rapidly readjusted. I just dont see how couples do it without God quite honestly. I pray constantly for my children who have left the faith--one very emphatically and one drifted away. Their marriages seem to be working thank God but I pray a lot. A lot.
I wasn't able to read much of it without subscribing to the Atlantic, but your topic reminds me of an article I read many years ago about the Japanese young people's lack of interest in romantic relationships. I suspect that a big part of the problem with them and now us is that sexuality and casual encounters have been separated from real love and marriage for so long, that there is a terrible desensitization to that pull toward a potential spouse. I wonder, when your mind has been saturated with pornographic imagery, in movies, TV, billboards, and computers, do you still feel that innocent thrill when your future spouse accidentally bumps into you or you meet each other's gaze for the first time? I think that people have lost that sense of wonder and innocent attraction, as their minds have been overloaded with the overly-sensual, devoid of love or meaning other than self-pleasure. In the article I was reading about the Japanese, the young people had been so immersed in perversion, that they had lost all attraction for sex, period. I suspect that this is a built-in punishment from God--a way to swing the pendulum the other way, but also the way perverse and Godless generations die out. But this also plays into the other major effect they were experiencing: a lack of hope. When you are without God, your life lacks meaning, and without meaning, there is no reason to build a future. The future we build together is usually with a spouse and children. We imagine our future joy together, what our children will become, how they will serve God and bring more goodness into the world. I can't tell you how many young people I've met that have a visceral negative response to the idea of children: "I do not want to bring children into this horrible world." Again, I think this is a natural punishment from God. Our rejection of God becomes a rejection of our very selves. We don't want to bring forth more people from ourselves because we have no hope or joy to offer them. As for the rest of us who do love God and still have hope, it's still hard for many. There is so much discouragement in the world around us. So much anxiety and depression, anger and disillusionment. God must be giving out extraordinary graces, far more than we deserve, to help us carry on trying to bring Him to others. As my old parish priest used to say, "When you encounter darkness, light a match!" In the dark the light shines brightest, even if all we can be is a tiny flame.
Your hope for your two children and your constancy in prayer are not in vain. You speak of the shifting of priorities in your own life. You might not be able to articulate the "formula" that helped bring about that transformation, but you can probably point to the timing. I can clearly remember St. Patrick's Day in 1975. In a drunken stupor at midnight I ran along the sidewalk in front of the cafeteria at college. I ran right off the 13 steps and landed on the sidewalk below. My friends carried me to my dorm room and left me on the bed. The next day I couldn't raise my left arm higher than my heart and went to see a physician. He was perplexed and couldn't grasp how such a fall could cause a broken colar bone on my left side, but absolutely no other bruising or damage. I was at first puzzled but then thought of my Mom back home praying numerous rosaries and knowing I was included. Two days later my Mom died at home in the arms of her dear neighbor, Betty Sharkey. My Dad arrived from work just a couple of minutes too late. I love you, Mom and Dad! One day the torrent of grace stored up for your family due to your constancy will fulfill the desires of your heart! O Mary conceived without sin, pray for us who have recourse to thee!
Terry i truly needed to hear this. Thank you so much for your words and your wonderful story. My mother prayed me back for sure. A lot of rosaries.i remember seeing her at night on her knees by the bed--rosary in hand and several novena books. She would nod off to sleep still on her knees. I am trusting she still intercedes for all of us to get safely home.
So many of us owe nearly everything to a mother who prayed the rosary. Your children are in Mary's hands. She will bring them home!
I’ve already written about this in other threads, but the main reason is the cultural shift and the change in people’s attitudes. If you want to destroy a nation, destroy it from within. The most effective way is to destroy its identity, corrupt the minds of young people, label everything the country is built upon as "controversial," and promote what is harmful as something desirable. It’s as if someone told you: don’t eat fruit and vegetables—they’re old-fashioned. Instead, eat fast food, greasy meals, lots of oil and processed foods. Promote cookbooks based on that diet, serve those meals in schools, and ridicule or ostracize anyone who prefers healthy food as backward. Fast food is undeniably tasty, but in the long run it is harmful, and its consequences become very real. Fruit and vegetables may not seem as appealing at first, but once you start eating them, you feel better, more energetic, and healthier. That, in my view, is the mechanism that God built into human beings and into culture itself. It can be seen even in societies that are not Christian. Throughout history, cultures across different parts of the world have valued chastity before marriage, marriage itself, the relationship between a man and a woman based on fidelity, the dignity of women, and respect for sacred places. As for Japan, it remains a deeply traditional society. Divorce is relatively uncommon, respect for elders is deeply ingrained, children are taught responsibility toward themselves and society, and values such as hard work, order, discipline, and low crime rates are emphasized. In my opinion, Japan’s problem is that it has neglected the spiritual dimension of human life, reducing fulfillment largely to material success, career achievement, and constant work. This makes it harder for people to build relationships, while technology has increasingly replaced human interaction. With the amount of digital content available today, many people feel they no longer need other people in the same way. The United States became the testing ground for what I see as a Marxist cultural campaign against the family, and that influence spread across the world through smartphones. Just as rats once spread the plague, smartphones have, in my view, become an instrument through which global elites spread culture. I wrote about this a few years ago: urbanization and other social changes have certainly contributed to declining birth rates. However, I believe smartphones are the primary driver because they spread values and culture. Young people everywhere now grow up exposed to the same cultural influences. In the past, regions were more isolated by geography and language. That is why, over the past fifteen years or so, birth rates have collapsed in Latin America and are now declining even in Africa despite continued poverty. Technology has changed people’s attitudes. Moral values and upbringing are no longer shaped primarily by one’s family, church, or local culture—they increasingly come from a screen. If a young American named John spends his time partying and presents that lifestyle as desirable, children in Latin America, Africa, and Europe will imitate it. If someone in Germany does something that social media platforms deliberately make popular, millions of others will follow. The biggest cultural changes, in my view, have been feminism, which I believe has weakened the family and changed how women and men view themselves and what they value; pornography, which has replaced relationships whose primary purpose was once the creation of a family with a focus on personal gratification and pleasure; and social media, which has replaced face-to-face social interaction. Imagine being a young man twenty or more years ago. To satisfy these aspects of life, you had to leave your house, communicate with women, meet people, build relationships, and through those relationships eventually form partnerships, marriages, and families. Today you can remain alone in your room, watch pornography, spend hours on YouTube, and satisfy those same impulses in an artificial way without actively participating or creating anything. I believe God created human beings in His image to create. But by losing God, humanity has also lost that creative capacity, reducing itself primarily to the pursuit of physical pleasure. When two people talk in person, they create a relationship, build friendships, and share physical presence and touch, which are essential parts of human interaction—and, indeed, of social interaction among many living creatures. When you watch YouTube, you are only an observer. You limit yourself to passive physical enjoyment rather than active participation. In my view, the same applies to pornography and similar forms of media.
Beautiful remembrance of your Mom. Alyce and I often talk of our Moms... two powerful prayer warriors knowing that now in Heaven their prayers continue for us. Peace
Another family prayer tradition that has been passed down to me is one that originates from my paternal grandfather, Daniel, who was closely associated with the Carmel in Philadelphia. It is a night prayer which I assume the good cloistered nuns prayed or promoted among those under their influence. Very rarely arrives "lights out", that I do not pray it: Night Prayer United with the Carmelites O God, our Father, hear us. We plead before You, O Sacred heart of Jesus, for all who tonight in this great land stand in the most need of Your merciful love and protection. On souls beset by temptation, have mercy. On those who have fallen into sin, have mercy. On those who are given up to worldliness and are forgetful of You, have mercy. On those who are, at this moment, in danger of losing You forever, have mercy. By Your agony, save them, Jesus. On those who carry on wicked trades and profit by sin, have mercy. On those indulging in sinful amusements, have mercy. On all who are imperiling their souls by self-indulgence and luxury, have mercy. On all frequenting haunts of sin, have mercy. By Your scourging, save them, Jesus. On all who are out tonight: the homeless, the weary, the starving, those tempted to suicide, the intemperate, have mercy. On those who are out for sin, have mercy. To those who are out to rescue others, grant help and protection. For those who work at night, the police, railroad men, firemen, those engaged on the stage, soldiers and sailors, truckers, airplane pilots, sentries on duty, editors and journalists, let Your Presence be with them, Jesus. For the sick, and suffering and all who are enduring any agony of mind and body, comfort and heal them, Jesus. For all undergoing surgery, strengthen them, Jesus, and help them in body and soul. For the sleepless and lonely, be near them. For those in anxiety, nervous or mental distress, calm them. For the mentally ill, keep them under Your protection. For those who care for the mentally ill, make them tenderhearted and compassionate. For night nurses, give faithfulness and sympathy. For priests and doctors, called out this night, reward them. By Your crown of thorns, deliver them, Jesus. For those who this night must suffer bereavement, visit and sustain them. For those for whom this will be their last night on earth, deepen their contrition and receive their souls. For those whom sudden death summons before Your Judgement, have mercy. For those dying alone without priest or sacrament, have mercy. For the dying who reject the ministry of Holy Church, have mercy. On those dying unconscious, have mercy. On those dying blind to their sin, have mercy. On the souls of unbelievers who are near death, have mercy. On those who are trying to turn to You even in their last hour, have mercy. For those who are afraid to die, turn their heaviness into joy. For dying clergy and religious, have mercy on them and receive them to Yourself. For the faithful departed, grant them light and peace. For ourselves in our last hour, grant the pardon of our sins, our negligences, and our ignorances. By Your holy death and resurrection, deliver us all, O Jesus. On behalf of those who have said no prayers today, let us pray: Our Father… Hail Mary…Glory Be. On behalf of those who neglect to praise God and thank Him, let us pray: Blessed be God. Blessed be His most holy name. On behalf of those who blaspheme and neglect the Blessed Sacrament, let us pray: Blessed, praised, worshiped and adored be Jesus Christ on His Throne of Glory and in the Most Holy Sacrament of the Altar. Amen! ____________________________________________________ Somehow I believe the carrying on of family prayer traditions not only benefit us, but any ancestors still undergoing purgation if we but call them to mind.
This is what is beyond alarming for many developed nations versus the third world nations. Developed nations birth rates mostly below 2 and once you get below that, you have real future problems in your demographics. USA - 1.6 UK - 1.6 Ireland - 1.5 France - 1.6 Italy - 1.2 Germany - 1.4 Greece - 1.2 Spain - 1.1 Sweeden - 1.4 Switzerland - 1.3 Russia - 1.4 China - 1.0 India - 2.0 Japan - 1.1 Australia - 1.5 Here is where it gets rather alarming for Christians over the next 20 years. Arab World - 3.1 Middle East/North Africa - 3.0 Sub Saharan Africa - 4.3 North America - 1.6 Europe Union - 1.3 By Income: High Income - 1.4 Mid Income - 2.1 Low Income - 4.5
The sad truth is that population trends can't be reversed simply by making birthrate statistics well known. The statistics reveal a very negative trend which I believe indicates support for an endtimes scenario. The evil one has seduced us to embrace collective suicide via an inadequate birthrate, and hopes to drag what remains of the last couple of generations into hell with him before total implosion takes place. Perhaps the appearance of AntiChrist will include a promise that he can avert this plunge into oblivion- just do what he says. I believe such a reality also creates a hope that Christ will act decisively to wake us up, not so much to increase the birthrate, but to turn to him in this final crisis. Come Lord Jesus!
A significant portion of this data is inaccurate, but that is not really the main point. What matters is when a country's total fertility rate (TFR) falls below replacement level, how long it remains there, and how far it falls. For example, the United States had a TFR of around 1.75 during the 1970s, but it later recovered to above 2.0 until about 2008, helped by immigration from Latin America as well as the fertility of the domestic population. Latin America, on the other hand, now has lower fertility rates than Japan, yet its population will likely continue growing for another 20 years or so because it has a much younger age structure. Even if Japan were to reach a TFR of 2.1 tomorrow, it would not be enough, because the country has a very large elderly population and relatively few young people, meaning it would still experience natural population decline. This is all because Japan's TFR fell below 2.0 back in the 1960s. Here are the latest figures for this year. They also include data for 2015, 2020, and last year.
Incidentally the Commune of Gavrus in Normandy is one of the clearest examples we have of FSSPX influence on a village's demographics in France. Around 27% of its residents are under 15, and roughly 32% under 18, ranking it approximately 289th out of nearly 35,000 French communes. This is firmly in the top 1%. Its average age is in the low 30s, unusually low for a village of about 650 people. The main reason is clearly the SSPX presence. The local traditional Catholic school and priory are a magnet for multi-child families. This, in turn produces a classic “halo effect” with families settling nearby so their children can attend the school and take part in traditional parish life, raising the local birth rate and keeping the age profile young. SSPX schools across France have shown steady growth in recent years, with several reporting rising enrolments as demand from traditional families increases. In Gavrus we see this pattern of institutional presence, which is visible and measurable at small area (commune level). It maintains a elevated share of children compared with similar-sized rural communes. Most places ranking higher (younger) than Gavrus (at commune level) are either tiny hamlets (where a few large families skew the numbers) or urban/suburban areas with high immigration. Among rural, non-immigrant communes of comparable size, Gavrus remains a clear outlier.
