Hi all. Need prayers. The trial for the wonan who was drunk and hit us back in August is coming up in a few weeks. She may plea bargain. In either case, my wife , family and I have been given the opportunity to give a victim impact statement. I was surprised by the emotions this created in me. Anger, sadness, confusion and guilt. I suppose this is my conscience or Holy Spirit promoting me. I’m being gnawed at about forgiving her. I’m really struggling with it. But, it keeps coming back to my mind and entire soul. I see Jesus on the cross forgiving me. I hear his words to love the enemy. Just when I feel I’m there , I go back to anger. So, I am humbling asking you to pray for me to have the grace to get there. I sometimes feel it’s almost a betrayal to my brother in law on loss of his wife. I struggle that he may be upset with it. I also feel that in a worldly sense, justice must be served. In reality it not “us” vs this lady. It’s the state and the state will follow the law and her sentence will be levied by it. But, in my heart I struggle with the forgiveness Jesus asked us to do when we pray the Our Father. I remember listening to this song years ago. It was nice message. Now it’s confronting me. Thank you for your prayers.
I will pray for you. But remember this. Forgiveness is an act of will. Not an emotion. As Fr Ripperger says it is sufficient to simply pray "In Jesus's Name I will to forgive (blank) and I ask you Eternal Father for her happiness in this world and the next" Emotions are quite apart from your will being set to forgiveness.
I've no doubt that you have forgiven her, because as Aed says above, it's an act of the will. The anger etc could be and indicator that the wound she caused in you is not yet healed. I came across a method of prayer recently that has helped me greatly in dealing with unforgiveness. 1.Go (on your knees if possible) before Jesus either on the cross or in the Monstrance 2. Decide to forgive the person (say the words aloud) 3. Relive the hurt, don't shut it out. 4. Unite the hurt with his heart and use it as a means of consoling Him for all the ways he is offended by those who refuse to forgive. 5. Keep your focus on Jesus and not on yourself or the other person. Keep doing this and you will see miracles happen within and around you, because when we use our wounds to console him, He is drawn to us, and love desires to give.
What you're going through is incredibly hard, Miker. I have included you as a family in my prayers. I came across this video some time ago. Forgiveness can be so powerful. From description: Botham Jean’s brother asked the judge to allow him to hug Amber Guyger in the courtroom after she was sentenced to 10 years in prison. Former Dallas police officer Amber Guyger was sentenced on Wednesday to serve 10 years in prison for the fatal 2018 killing of an innocent man she shot when she mistakenly entered his apartment believing it was her own. But in a remarkable act of kindness, the brother of the victim took the witness stand and spoke directly to Guyger, saying, "I love you like anyone else," and later hugged her in the courtroom before she was led off to prison.
I was reading about Saint Edmund Campion during the week. He was betrayed to the authorities by a guy who had been released from prison on a charge of rape so he could report priests who were on the run. When St Edmund was in the Tower of London he was visited by this informer who told Fr Edmund he was scared that the Catholics would kill him for his evil activities. Saint Edmund gave him a reference to a Duke in Europe who would look after him, give him a job and protect him. This to the guy who had Edmund arrested tortured , hung , drawn and cuts into quarters. One of the jailers was listening to St Edmund as he offered to help this evil creep and was himself converted and became a Catholic seeing Edmund's kindness and forgiveness.Forgiveness is never easy; if it were it would not be worth doing. Plus it is not a once off only it is a constant.
Forgiveness is a real miracle. Humanly speaking it is insane and impossible. Only God's Grace makes it possible. I remember speaking with a Jewish friend, Avram, in Jerusalem and he said the one thing he envied Christians for was the idea of forgiveness. He said that in his own Faith there was no such notion.
Padraig, you are right about forgiveness not being a once-off but a constant. It takes God’s grace to forgive. To err is human, to forgive, Divine. This thread is full of grace and truth and prayerful wisdom.
I suppose Married people know this best of all. That love and forgiveness are so intertwined. That we forgive because we so desperately need forgiveness ourselves. He forgives because she forgave Him. She forgives because with Him she has found forgiveness.
Perhaps the greatest grace of all is that of all is that of forgiving ourselves. Especially as we get older. So many memories of harms we have done to others. The very same finger we pointed at others turns to point at ourselves:
Sending prayers mike. Will include you and your family in my Rosaries and all. I was victim of robberies as a teller and I struggled so badly when it was time to identify and go to court for one of the men who held a gun to my head . It does not compare to yours in severity of the outcome, but these emotions that came back..were incredible. I have learned from my mom to pray for the person who we can't forgive. To ask God for the same happiness for them that we wish for ourselves. It is so difficult but it has never failed me even in the most terrible situations. By forgiving, we actually become free...our hearts slowly change. But one more thing I had an aunt who as a child who was killed by a drunk driver. My grandmother knew the 18 yr old well. My grandmother did not press charges because she knew that living with the fact that he killed a child was torture enough. She forgave him. God bless!!!
I was just going to write the same thing. Forgiveness doesn't mean the person or ppl didn't do anything wrong. In fact, justice will be served since our sins bear consequences & the thief has to pay the last penny. Forgiveness doesn't mean the anger & all the other emotions go away. We've simply chosen to forgive & surrender it to God. God knows all & sees all... Any evil we commit in our lifetime has a domino effect on our neighbour(s)... A priest once told me never to stop praying for justice. God's justice is all throughout the Bible. I found this video by Fr Leo Patalinghug helpful. You are in my prayers! https://youtube.com/shorts/SK8IyzvmTiI?si=ab_NSC43u2Svijvv
I dont know Im struggling to understand this ?? My own struggle with a huge forgiveness was one of will, emotion but most of all a huge grace from the Holy Spirit which gave me peace and consolation .
A priest also told me, there will be anger & I may never be able to fully forgive. I pray for the grace to do so. Some ppl refuse to forgive, I believe it comes from such deep wounds. I think we all want to fully forgive but I think we rationalise & can't fathom evil on such a level... We also all have to go thru God's justice system & there may be times God is calling us to fight for our own justice, He will definitely fight the battle. We can't just turn a blind eye to evil. Yes, God does forgive us but we also seek His forgiveness. Others may not. I believe it was Fr Ripperger that said ppl's demons affect us. This Christian guy's video solidified how we feel as humans when evil is committed against us. https://youtube.com/shorts/aAa9rt1QR1c?si=lmFIk9KpnEOmCkCw And this video from Fathers of Mercy summed things up for me. We can't forget the crime committed against us, but sometimes I pray for amnesia with the bad memories lol! God be with you, he's fighting hard for you & your battle. God's justice & mercy prevails. We shouldn't be too hard on ourselves if we feel we're never going to progress with forgiveness, the intention is there & perhaps it comes with God's perfect timing as well. I know St Therese struggled with this? I think we vacillate a lot, one minute being able to forgive, the next we're angry again. Oh, our humanity!
A funny thing happened in our Trad Church recently which caused me to think about forgiveness. A gentleman from the country converted and became a Catholic and joined our Church. This was amazing because there is a really huge amount of Red Neck hatred fro Catholics in this part of the World. Not only did he become a very ,very devout Catholic but he said it was because of Our Lady and on top of this he joined a Traditional Latin Mass Congregation. A one in a million. Again even on top of this he devoted himself full time to work on the old Church and fix it up. I was so inspired and impressed by him, always at Mass every day, always saying the Rosary, always on his knees, always about working hard fixing things. But then a few months ago things began to go sour. He simply stopped talked to people whose politics he did not like at Church. He blanked them and stopped talking to them, including myself and my brother. If he saw someone whose politics he disagreed with he would simply put his head down and not even look at them..and there was quite a long list of people whose politics he did not like. This reminded me of the words of Jesus: Matthew 5:23-24 Therefore if you bring your gift to the altar, and there remember that your brother has something against you, leave your gift there before the altar, and go your way. First be reconciled to your brother, and then come and offer your gift. It reminds me that without love and forgiveness everything else is in vain. All that prayer, all that work, all that devotion, its useless. Apparently since he became Catholic his own family won't talk to him. But even that suffering is useless when he can't forgive. I feel so sorry for him. He is trapped inside himself and can not move forward.
