Can’t get my mind off these thoughts

I really hate to post this but, since Friday I have been struggling with really angry thoughts and have also fallen into mortal sin, after being free from it for over a week. I can’t seem to get my mind off these thoughts, I just keep falling into them and wanting to just yell at someone or bring up old grudges. Adding to the frustration is the fact that confession won’t be available in this diocese until after the New Years, I can’t go to confession and confess all this!

Today at mass, for the second time in my life I wanted to actually walk out, because I just couldn’t handle the incredibly irreverent music in addition to all the things going through my mind at the time. (The first time being when a now retired Franciscan priest who sometimes fills in for our parish priest, gave a sermon on Our Lord’s interaction with the Syro-Phoenician woman and gave the same garbage about Jesus not knowing He’s Divine and learning something from the women. Pray for him as well.)

I’ve been having a real hard time praying and meditating right now, the only thing I can really pray is the rosary, and even that is a struggle. The Lord has given a lot of good things over these past few days and yet I can’t reach out and take a hold of Him and let Him pull me out of this. I need your help, I’ll try to say another rosary after posting this.

I’m sorry I had to post another thread like this, I’m trying to improve but I have a lot of issues.

 

Dear RosaryWielder, I am a believer that the Blessed Mother is giving messages for us at Medjugorje. As such, I belong to an online prayer group where the format is that we pray the daily offering, the daily Mass readings, a past message from Medjugorje is posted and members post their prayer petitions. Recently the moderator posted this past message from February 25, 1988
“Dear children! Today again I am calling you to prayer to complete surrender to God. You know that I love you and am coming here out of love so I could show you the path to peace and salvation for your souls. I want you to obey me and not permit satan to seduce you. Dear children, satan is very strong and, therefore, I ask you to dedicate your prayers to me so that those who are under his influence can be saved. Give witness by your life. Sacrifice your lives for the salvation of the world. I am with you, and I am grateful to you, but in heaven you shall receive the Father's reward which He has promised to you. Therefore, dear children, do not be afraid. If you pray, satan cannot injure you even a little bit because you are God's children and He is watching over you. Pray and let the rosary always be in your hand as a sign to satan that you belong to me. Thank you for having responded to my call. ”
This message resonated so much with me because I have literally felt under siege with problems since the beginning of this month. I walk around frequently with a rosary in my hand to remind myself and as a warning to satan that I belong to God. It is something small to do and yet symbolically very important. God bless you.

 

I understand what you are saying RW but you will have to lighten up on your self. I know that you want to be the best you can for God's love, please remember that God's love is unconditional. If you fall, pick your self up and try again. When the opportunity to celebrate confession you can ask for forgiveness. I will also pray for you in my intentions.

 

I agree with Quis about this Rosary Wielder, I think scrupulosity is something you should look into and talk to a good priest about. Honestly, you are not any more of a sinner than anybody else on this forum, but you beat yourself up quite relentlessly. That must be exhausting for you, spiritually.

 

What do I do when I don’t have a good priest available to speak with about this?

 

I struggled with this for many years. My family left the faith and I was known as the religious one. Many times used as the scapegoat for my families problems. I got to the point where I stopped caring what others thought and started only caring what God thought. Trying to follow the advice of all different people left me worse off. I feel your pain brother.

 

Dear RW....

When you can find no priest to discuss this with....give it to God!

Receive the sacraments daily....confession monthly. The graces will suffice.

Increasing, we will need to rely less on priest and more on Christ.

Ohhhhh. The weapon....the rosary...daily. Divine Mercy and the St Bridget 12 years prayers.

That’s the full armor of God...you are now prepared to do spiritual battle! And win!

God bless.

 

RW--scripture tells us satan is the accuser of the brethren. Paralyzing guilt and fear are not from God. That is not His Voice. The Holy Spirit reveals our sin to us so we can take it to Confession. And then it's done. Gone. Removed. I have had to deal with this myself but I pray this prayer often. "Sacred Heart of Jesus I believe in Your love for me and in Your. Mercy which are greater than all the sins I have committed or ever could commit." And then tell Jesus "I forgive myself because You have forgiven me." It helps. God bless.

 

RW, following are several excellent talks by the spiritual giant, Father John Hardon SJ, on Seductions of the Evil Spirit. To know thy enemy is a key to knowing how to defeat him. http://www.therealpresence.org/archives/MP3/RP0005000.htm

 

Others have given some good suggestions here. Good spiritual resources to get you on the right track. And then talk to a priest next time you have the opportunity. I'll be praying for you.