I’ve mentioned this before, but is it wrong for me to want the elites to just persecute me already? Part me just really wants to be carted off to Covid camps already as opposed to just putting up with this. I assume the answer would be no, because right now, I’m just really depressed about things.
We have to run the race until the end friend, whatever end may come. Of course at times we all fall into melancholy especially with how hard the media pushes non stop despair and fear. You are not alone, we all go through it at times I think.
“I have come to set the earth on fire, and how I wish it were already blazing!* There is a baptism with which I must be baptized, and how great is my anguish until it is accomplished!u - Luke C 12 V49
My first thought was, "God's will be done." I wouldn't mind dying soon (and husband too; "go" with me). Do I want to be killed?? Well, at this point I'm to the closest point ever of thinking I could endure it (if quick and painless). Not exactly asking for it, but "God's will be done." I'm mostly resigned, although the primal nature maintains a spark of fight in it.
I know, I just want to desperately want to get out of the situation I am in right now. I can’t wait to get my own land, I really hope I can take and overcome any obstacles that I may face.
I still have a desire to live, but life at this moment is very miserable for me, I don’t have a job, I don’t own my own home, I have no wife and kids, at this point I wouldn’t mind being in prison because I’m practically already in one.
In reality we all have been in prison planet for the last year with lock downs. Add in the nazi style covid passports which they are going to bring in and our freedoms are gone. I have a feeling our church will cave in and we might need them to access the Mass. Hope not but nothing surprises me with the current leadership. It's not wrong to desire martyrdom. But unless we martyr our own needs, desires and passions everyday how does one know if we will accept martyrdom if it comes? White martyrdom precedes red martyrdom.
I don't know where you live, but in southern Alabama they can't find enough workers. Maybe you need to move to a new area. Start over . . .
I still have trust in the Lord, I will continue to work on my plan to become a farmer and homesteader. I will trust God’s plan.
Someone from our normal parish posted the collection envelopes through our door today for the coming year. We put our collection money in last year in one lump sum for the whole year. Yet only went to the Church once on 8th December for a special Mass in honour of the Immaculate Conception. They have traffic warden type people directing everyone where to sit, and masks are a must. I am effectively contributing twice a week because I am attending FSSP, and feel it is only right to contribute there too when attending Mass at FSSP. I am tempted to phone our normal parish and ask them if they will be implementing vaccine passports, or turning us away if we do not have passports. This would be not acceptable to me. I would rather keep my contribution for the parish who allow me to attend Mass and the sacraments without a passport. I did see a notice that my normal parish would be asking parishioner to wear double masks, and that is outlandish, so waiting to see if passports will be added to the conditions for entry. That will be the end of that particular Church for me if it happens. Can you believe it. What is the Church coming to. Watch this space. Sigh.
By the way, on the topic of vaccine passports, should I ditch my iPhone? I’m thinking doing that and buying a dumb phone in order to avoid the vaccine passport. I want to live as off the grid as possible on my farm; however, I’m worried that that might cause more harm than good, what if I’m put in a position where I have to enter a facility that requires merely a passport but not “immunity,” what are your thoughts on this?
Well if you are in the states there are some pretty cheap farms for sale in Hillsdale county, Michigan. Some of the Amish are moving out, but they don't have electricity or indoor plumbing. But you could live off the grid and be a farmer! [ QUOTE="RosaryWielder, post: 332817, member: 5950"]I still have trust in the Lord, I will continue to work on my plan to become a farmer and homesteader. I will trust God’s plan.[/QUOTE]
[/QUOTE] I actually live in a rural area and thus have assumed that there is actually a lot farmland available, that I could move to more easily and at lower costs. However I did a quick skim-over of places and available a short while ago and so far, haven’t found much; I’ll do a more thorough search tomorrow and will also check out Real Estate For Life.
I just watched a great movie on Dorothy Day, and they still have Catholic Worker Communities where people live for free, farm, and help feed the poor. Maybe something to look into! On their website there are communities in just about every state and is for Catholic laypersons. You can help and live in for as long as you like. I've noticed the best way out of a life funk is to get involved and help others and something like that may help you find your vocation from God. Or just take one step at a time to find a job, or volunteer, or something to keep moving forward in God. We have all had to go through a spiritual desert after conversion. Think of Moses 40 years or Jesus 40 days. Perhaps you are being prepared for something big!
I see, I still think my calling is to be a homesteader, but I will look into it and see if there are any of those communities here in BC, and in or near my remote region of BC.
You are asking the question is it wrong to just want to be martyred. I was just thinking about my mother God rest her soul. She used to say it takes a martyr to live with a saint, so maybe if you are not thinking of entering the religious life you could search out a saint and have the perfect partner to make you a martyr. One tiny hitch, once you have made the commitment, there is no going back. And it could be a long slow martyrdom. On the other hand maybe the martyrdom option might not be such a good idea. Try making every day a happy memory, and if martyrdom finds you it will just be a one off in an otherwise happy life. IMHO
I’m now at the point where, I still don’t exactly want to die but, if I end up not finding my future wife and start my family (I am still convinced that that is my vocation) life would pretty much become pointless for me; again, I wouldn’t exactly want to die, but life like that for me would be an ongoing pointless slog, going through day after day, waiting until my life is over. If I do get martyred before I get a chance to get married and have kids, I would be okay with that, but I’d prefer it’d be a red martyrdom, rather than a white martyrdom where I am left all alone at the end. But not my will but the Lord’s be done, may the Lord give me the grace to accept whatever is coming next. I still have hope.
