Saint Teresa of Avila talks in some of her books about the "well" going dry in prayer for a while but over time it bears fruit.
Deal with accusations too on a daily basis. They say the devil is the accuser. He accused Job in the Bible when God permitted him to be tested.
I found it very helpful in the past to read accounts of St Therese of Liseaux's last days , which were truly atrocious, of TB. She is sometimes called the Patron Saint of Atheists because the Darkness within was so intense it seemed to her as though she had lost Faith entirely, that God simply did not exist. She was constantly tried by huge temptations to suicide and on this account insisted that her medicines be kept out of reach in case she OD'd herself. She also asked that the strongest sister turned her over in bad her physical agony was so great. Yet it clear through the Darkness she always staying in the Closet Union with the Lord. Its nice when we are emotionally in tune with our Faith, for it produces the greatest joy. But it is not necessary that it be so. In fact Spiritually it is far, far better that we languish in the Dark. For like all seeds, the seeds of grace flourish better underground. I love what a nursing Sister said of St Teresa de Los Andes as that young girl lay dying, 'The holiest one always get the most agonising deaths!' Great Crosses Great Crowns. http://jameslau88.com/agonizing_death_of_st_therese_of_lisieux.html Agonizing Death of St Therese of Lisieux The passages below are taken from the Autobiography of St Therese of Lisieux, “Story of a Soul,” first published in 1898 and is translated from her original, unedited French manuscripts to English by John Clarke and re-published in 1975. Mother Agnes collected the last words of Thérèse and wrote them in a notebook. The concluding words of the manuscript are “. . . through confidence and love.” Here the pencil which has replaced the clumsy pen falls from Thêrèse’s hands. The manuscript shows evidence of wavy lines and illustrates the strong will of Thèrèse who cannot finish her work. She gives up and has still three months to live. While reading over these pages which are filled with wisdom and peace, the reader would find it hard to believe that Therese has been seriously ill for several weeks. There are scarcely any allusions to the medical care she was receiving, without the notes taken down by Mother Agnes of Jesus while at her sister’s bedside, we would have no details concerning the sickness, the last agony, and the death of Sister Thérèse of the Child Jesus and the Holy Face. Thanks to her notes and those of other witnesses, we can follow those final hours of Thêrèse step by step. When Thêrèse finally gave up writing her manuscript, she was already a few days in the infirmary which was on the ground floor. She had been seriously ill for some months, but she was not declared officially sick until the end of Lent. Up until that time, she was only gradually relieved of her daily duties and permitted to stay away from the choral recitation of the Divine Office and from the periods of recreation in common. In the month of June, 1897, her sole duties were to rest in her cell, to enjoy the fresh air and sunshine in the garden, and to complete the writing of her memories. This last task she was ordered to do by the Prioress at the suggestion of Mother Agnes. She was never to complete this final assignment. When making a reference to it, she laughingly said: “I am not breaking my head over the writing of my ‘little life.’ It is like fishing with a line; I write whatever comes to the end of my pen.” On July 6, a sudden worsening in her condition brought on series of hemoptyses which lasted until August 5. After Doctor de Cornière had observed her suffocating spells, her vomiting of blood, and her high fever, he became convinced that she was dying; he stated that in cases such as hers “only two percent got well.” When she heard this news, Thérèse was filled with joy. She made her confession to the chaplain and asked him to give her the last anointing which she desired very much. In the evening of July 8, she was taken down to the infirmary where she stayed until her death. These quarters were very small. In one corner there was an iron bed closed in by brown curtains to which Thérèse pinned her favorite holy pictures, namely, the Holy Face of Christ, the Blessed Virgin, her “dear little” Théophane Vénard, etc. On the same day as Thêrèse was brought to the infirmary, the statue of the “Virgin of the Smile” was installed there. Finally, there was an armchair which was used by Thérèse on the few occasions when she could get up. Through the window she could contemplate the garden in full bloom. On July 9, the Superior of the Carmel decided she was not sick enough to be anointed; and so this was postponed. Thérèse still manifested at times a great deal of vitality and even surprised her sisters with her great cheerfulness. She was living in the constant expectation of the imminent coming of the “Thief,” for He is the one who “will break the web of this sweet encounter”: this “dying of love” as St. John described it had always been her hope. This is what Thêrèse had always wanted. Mother Agnes about this time wrote down the following dialogue: Mother Agnes: “Are you afraid now that death is so close?” Thërèse: “Ah! less and less!” Mother Agnes: “Do you fear the Thief? This time He is at the door!” Thêrèse: “No. He is not at the door; He has entered. But what are you saying, little Mother? How can I fear one whom I love?” Thêrèse never ceased spitting up blood, suffering from her head and her side, and even vomiting the milk prescribed for her by the doctor. During this time her weakness increased considerably. During the month of July, however, Therêse still had enough strength to answer the questions of Mother Agnes and her other two sisters; these were questions concerning her childhood; and they also sought her advice. The patient even agreed to the idea of using the notes to compose her obituary notice which was to be sent to the other Carmels. Gradually there was even talk of the eventual publication of her manuscripts on a larger scale. Therèse confided this work to Mother Agnes and strongly insisted that she complete her unfinished work by the addition of the story of the “sinner who died of love.” “Souls will understand immediately, for this is a striking example of what I am trying to say.” When she referred to her manuscripts, she added: “There will be something in them for all, except those following extraordinary ways.” She had a presentiment that her activity after her death would extend far beyond the influence of a book, that it would be worldwide. “How unhappy I shall be in heaven if I cannot do little favors for those whom I love” She began to multiply mysterious promises: “I will return!” “I will come down!” Then on July 17, she made her now famous prediction: “I feel that my mission is about to begin, my mission of making others love God as I love Him, my mission of teaching my little way to souls. If God answers my requests, my heaven will be spent on earth up until the end of the world. Yes, I want to spend my heaven in doing good on earth.”
